When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Well, life isn't a physical being so chances are low that it will actually hand you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Leave. Now.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Canadian man, American man and French man all go to a wive swapping party. The Canadian gets the American's wife, the American gets the French wife, and the Frenchman dies of a brain aneurism and the European wife. is very disappointed in her night.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did one muffin say to the other Muffin? Nothing, muffins have no method of communication in any way shape or form

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H20." The second one says "why did you come to the bar if you're just going to have water?" and orders a beer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is black white green blue and is wet and blind and deaf and homosexual all at the same time? What ever I just described

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why is this the worst joke ever? Because it isn't even funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

kennah campion when she talks

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? His family was being held hostage on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are powerful machines, capable of dismemberment and death when wielded by someone who wishes to cause harm

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q:What did the duck say to the other duck A:We are both ducks

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do Ash Ketchum and Peter Francis Geraci have in common? Absolutely nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roofs are Red...I have a Cunt!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than the Holocaust? Very few things are worse than this international tragedy Over six million people died, most of them tortured before they died. But stepping on a thumb tack is way up there

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than a dead baby joke? A dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- What's better than just sitting on a couch in a summerhouse with a bottle of wine and reading a good book? - An orgy.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops