Roses are red. Violets are purple

thumb_up thumb_down

nathan your cats dead now...well hopefully

thumb_up thumb_down

If life hands you lemons... Question yourself what just happened because life isn't tangible and has no way of handing you lemons, and even if it did, why lemons?

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a bench full of white people The NBA

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calender? They each got six months.

thumb_up thumb_down

why did the fish get flushed down the drain? because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down

What do u call a man who sells hot dogs on the street? A Mexican

thumb_up thumb_down

what does wtf stand for? what? i was asking you!

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

thumb_up thumb_down

A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

thumb_up thumb_down

A duck walks into a convient store and ask the cashier, "You got any bread?". The cashier immediatley responds, "No sorry, we don't sell bread." The next day the duck comes back and asks the same cashier, "You got any bread?" The cashier sighs and responds, "No, we still have no bread." After browsing for about three minutes the duck comes back and asks, "You have any bread?" The cashier, as pissed off as a beached whale, says, "NO! WE WILL NEVER GET ANY FRICKEN BREAD AND IF YOU ASK AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS COUNTER!" The duck sways his head and looks to the ground, only to look right back at the cashier and ask, "You got any nails." The cashier says, "No." The duck comes back and says, "You got any bread?"

thumb_up thumb_down

what goes boo a sock

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She didnt have any arms

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did Batman brush his teeth? So he wouldn't get bat breath

thumb_up thumb_down

I said no! Its not funny... Maybe a little but stop it, I am having trouble enough finding out which comments are mine as it is.

thumb_up thumb_down

Ubisoft 'Very Impressed' By Pokemon Go, Working on AR game of their own.

thumb_up thumb_down

what's yellow and hovers? a yellow hovercraft.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is actually a really good question which leads me to wonder why the farmer let the chicken out in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many owls can you fit in a bath tub?

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock knock. Who's there? Mom. Mom who? SHUT THE F**K UP AND OPEN THE DOOR!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They beat her mercilessly.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q. What is the fastest animal in the world? A. An Ethiopian chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you get when you put a woman in a room with 4 guys? She gets Gang Banged.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops