There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: Why did the girl fell from the swing? A: Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? a jew is a member of a religion called Judaism, they're generally tall and have curly hair, however not in all situations is this true. They celebrate Chanukah and passover and many other holidays. Pizza is an italian dish, it's round, has red sauce and cheese on it and is pretty tasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

this last joke was a correction to the other one

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Theodore was a small kid that lived down the street. Little did he know, that Kaiwen the Poor Pedo was his next door neighbour. So he was walking one day down the street. He saw Kaiwen dead. Because he ate too much sugar. So Theodore called the police. But his phone broke suddenly. Theodore realized that his brother had filled it with broken eggshells. He was sad. He took out a few golf balls and stuffed them in his mouth. But he couldnt forget taht a fellow neighbour had died. He buried the body beneath the Carpet of Ol' Justin's House. He wasnt happy. His dad confiscated his laptop. And the golf balls

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the low cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A Black man, a Latino, and a Midget get into a car. They drive to the county fair, get snow cones and ride the tilt-a-whirl.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the student go to university? To pursue a higher education.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Wanna hear a dirty joke? The pig rolled in the mud!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you know when it's hot outside? When you walk oside and it's hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why is it so hard to cook vegetables? The wheel chair won't fit in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the boy with no arms and legs crying? He had a lit match in his anus.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Fine, ladies first.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why was the black man running away from the convenient store? He was going for a jog and it just so happened that he passed by the store

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A guy walks into a bar and laughs. Later, a green, homosexual dinosaur dentist escorts him out to play a houdini banjo.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Yo mama is so fat, she needs to get serious about her diet, or else she might die of some sort of weight related issue.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Immigration Laws

thumb_up thumb_down -9

The duck didn't cross the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have ADD ...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops