How do you make a dentist cry? Kill all his family.

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My name is Matt and I am homosexual. Just kidding. My names Rick.

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Hazel and Gus are two teenagers who share an acerbic wit, a disdain for the conventional, and a love that sweeps them on a journey. Their relationship is all the more miraculous given that Hazel's other constant companion is an oxygen tank, Gus jokes about his prosthetic leg, and they met and fell in love at a cancer support group.

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A man walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" he replies: "I was walking with my wife and was mauled by a bear"

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How do Chinese people name their kids? They could look up a baby-names book, consult their family history, or make one up

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A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says: Dad, can I borrow 50 dollars? The dad responds: 40 dollars?!? What are you going to do with 30 dollars?!?

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Why did the sperm cross the road? It didn't, as sperm cells have tails not legs, and are therefore incapable of crossing roads.

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You know what's wrong with Oprah? Generally nothing. She's a well-respected African American woman who happens to be quite wealthy and likes to share her wealth with other people.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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When you see birds flying in a V why is one side of the V always longer than the other? there are more birds on that side

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Why are asians so good at maths? Because their culture exercises a hard work ethic in order for many of them to achieve high ranking jobs in order to support their families

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An Irishman and an Englishman are in a bar. Suddenly a wild Dragonite attacks. The Englishman promptly catches the pokemon and continues to enjoy his drink with his Irish friend.

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Once upon a time, people died. It was happening all over the land. They didn't LIVE happily ever after... since they died. The end... for them.

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... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

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why was the tricycle lonely? the mom back over the kid in the driveway.

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Knock knock Who's there The police The police who? Ma'am your son is dead

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how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

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How many people were trampled on Black Friday this year? Not enough.

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Salt is brown, Pepper is white, my kitchen is in a mess.

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin right before they got in the b\Batmobile? A: "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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What happened to the man who had the most loving parents and family when he was born, had an amazing childhood which he shared with so many good friends, was loved everywhere, helped the poor, started a fundraiser for starving kids in africa, got a college education, helped a complete stranger get off his drug addiction, married a beautiful woman, bought a nice house and had 3 children who he loved dearly and spent time with as much as he possibly could, tucked them in every night and enjoyed every second of his life as if it was his last? He died.

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What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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this last joke was a correction to the other one

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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