A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, My name's Dave, Microwave!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door." "How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door." "The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which one?" "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator." "There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat." "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? Hurricane Irene.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the little girl miss 7 straight days of school? She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

where did you get those clothes? at the toilet store.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the man fall off his bike? He ran into a pile of dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the black guy where orange shoes? Because he likes orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Shakespeare walks into a bar, Having just seen someone that has been dead for over 400 years, the young man in the corner quits his drug addiction; it was clearly messing with his brain.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A horse walks into a bar and the bar asks "Why the long face?". The horse replies " I am deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the man say before he got stabbed? What are you going to do, stab me?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Jewish man get for his birthday? Pork.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Is your refrigerator running? I heard there was a power outage in your area.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a cow lying on a barn floor? A cow

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Yo mommas so stupid, she has a slightly below average IQ.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between Santa and a Jew? Santa goes DOWN the chimney.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is Godzilla's favorite sport? Nothing, Godzilla is a fictional character.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Yo mama so ugly she's ridiculed daily and has frequent suicidal thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the pyromaniac burn down the house? because he is a pyronaniac, he derives pleasure from burning things.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops