What red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.

What is worse than torture? Not much.

Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

Three gay men walk into a bar and there is only one three-legged stool. What do they do? --One man politely tells one of the other men to have a seat and then the two remaining men leave and have a one-night stand.

What do you call a horse with a missing leg Calling it names could be considered animal abuse and should be reported immediately

Sigh, visit me with a pack of condoms, that is so romantic... Now you tell me something, how old are you REALLY and what is your real name? Oh yeah, my first name is Tifa (I know you hate it for some reason), and I am turning 24 in 30 days.

What happend to the man who walked into a forrest? He got raped by a giant vicious mutant spider

What is worse than waking up by your alarm clock on the weekend? 9/11

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

What would you say if you girlfriend got hit by a train? Trick question, trains don't go through kitchens!

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police, your entire family died in a car accident. ... ... The police, your entire family died in a car accident who?

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No Oh... well he hasn't either

Charlie Sheen

How many owls can you fit in a bath tub?

Yo momma's so stupid... she scored poorly on on the SAT, failed to get into a good college, worked at a walmart and lived an otherwise mundane life.

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

What did the captcha tell me to write? Tepsyto Dora

David entered a radio contest to see who had the best pun; his pun was insufficient and he did not win.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was in a tub of KFC

What was Mozart's favorite vegetable? Aspara-gus.

Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm a dog.

Whats red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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