the world is made out of 4 things. protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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A group of cows boarded a spaceship and was launched into orbit around the Earth. It was the herd shot around the world.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She technically could have, she was physically able, but cars were not invented yet, and even if they were it is unethical for any humane person to let a blind and def person drive.

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Then none of us want to be right.

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I was gonna clean my room. But then my mom did it.

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what's worse than the holocaust living jews

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Oh NOES! She does worry about me! YOU MUST APOLOGIZE! Relax, the body has two sources of happy drugs, one is the sweet calm stuff I am really bad at, and the other comes with adrenaline and stuff, the name of which I do not remember, both are important, but yeah, I am a thrill seeker, and when I do not find them, I make a thrill out of whatever I got, whatever that means.

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Suzie has no arms. Knock Knock (whos there?) Not Suzie.

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What did the little Jew boy get for Christmas? nothing he is a Jew, he doesn't celebrate Christmas.

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? Please, not the nails.

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what did the girls scream when they were being stalked? skydragon

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Why does a gay guy come out of the closet? He can't see anything inside.

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What the the newly born male dog get for his first birthday? A loss of two testicles.

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Q:Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him then slapped the ice cream out of his hand

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THis guy went into the bathroom with a girl in the middle of party and they started having sex but then the guy has to pee so he does... and then he leaves the bathroom and goes back to the party

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What did the Priest say to the kid walking home alone? Be safe.

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How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

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Sidney Crosby walks into a bar. Except its a metal bar like a pole so he gets another concussion.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have the Cadillac, Get the Guns

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What's the difference between and train carriage and a miscarriage? You can't eat a train carriage!

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Ask me if im an Airplane. Are your Airplane? Hell yes

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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