Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

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What's better than Sookie? The holocaust

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too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game

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Well, I'm naked so I'm going to go.

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Q. Why did the 40 year old woman puts on a large amount of makeup? A. She may have gerontophobia.

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Can you spell iCup? I see you pee?

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how come jenny could not fall asleep? their was a man standing outside her window holding a knife

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange.

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A man walks into a bar. Three weeks later he gets a liver transplant.

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Q: What did the donkey say to the man? A: "Hello there, sir." it was later discovered the man was tripping on the hallucinogen LSD. Later on the man plummeted to his death after being convinced that he was a pterodactyl, and jumping off of a cliff.

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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game. She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand." "What did you not understand?" And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver comes into the bar and gulps down the guys drink and the guy starts crying the lorry driver says "dont cry ill buy you another" thee guy sas "it's not that today i woke up late for work and when i got there i got fired and then when i went to go home feeling depressed my car doesnt startand so i walk home and i find my wife in bed with the gardener and so i came here to die but you drank my poison"

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why do jewish people have big noses? because air is free

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Why did the rooster cross the road? Because he wanted to prove he wasn't a chicken.

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Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? It is unlikely that this situation would occur, as tractors are very large objects and losing one would be very hard, furthermore, tractors are vital agricultural vehicles and most farmers would take care in not misplacing one.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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did you hear about the mexican that went to college? yes

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?"i'm so turned on right now." - horny light bulb

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What is black and white and red all over? A dalmation that was hacked to death with a machete.

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A man walks into a bar, buys a pint of beer, talks to his friends for while and leaves.

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what can you blow up and sleep with at night? An air mattress

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HEY YOU! TISSUE!

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do you have snow in your vagina? because i am going to plow you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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