Justin Bieber walks into a bar, has a few drinks, chats with some fans, and leaves. The very next day, Justin Bieber is out buying groceries.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Want to hear the story about how I got put in prison? So I have an odd bunch of friends: one of them is Polish and he works at a call centre, the other is a slave trader and his name is Richard. We tend to meet outside our Polish friend's house to speak or to do "business" when need be (I run errands for Richard) and the other day that's where I got asked to kidnap an American. "That's strange" I thought, but nevertheless I went out and took the American from his house and carried him over in a sack over to our meeting place. I handed him over and sneaked off as soon as I could, thinking I was home free. But I wasn't. The police turned up all angry like. There were witnesses. Turns out a bunch of kids saw me giving Dick a Yank next to the telephone Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Noses are red, Lips are blue, I have hypothermia, So do you.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There's a tray of muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "man it's hot in here!" Another muffin says, "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

It takes a minute to know somebody, an hour to fall in love, but a lifetime to forget. Once, my mom forgot me at Disney World.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock knock who's there?... a stupid punchline because the door is imaginary and I am just wasting your time telling a knock knock joke

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the jew kill himself? He heard a raciest joke and went into a period of depresion causing him to lose all will to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the boy with a crippled arm get for his birthday? A guitar.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "why the long face" and the horse says "my wife just died of skin cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do you make a hobo cry? You steal his trash.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

say it ten times fast: oh

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Eric is gay Ha

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I got shot in the balls now i'm pregnant?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q. Why did the child's mother tell him to clean his room? A. Because his room was messy.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Pay For a new window

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Who won the race? I don't know look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you get when you cross a rhino and a whale? Comment your answer:

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Jordan is pregant

thumb_up thumb_down -10

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I guess I make a good milkshake.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops