why are you reading these jokes? i have nothing else to do. ok

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What do you get when you cross a black man and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure would pick a lot of cotton.

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What happened when the president cut the hedge That is a highly improbable solution because he would probably have a body guard do it.

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What did the woman get for Christmas? Cooking oil and a black eye.

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Q:what did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile? A:get in the batmobile

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Q.what semtemce is a most used lie by a fourteen year old? A. Yes i agree to the terms of service, and am above the age eighteen.

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A white guy, a black guy, an Asian guy, and a hispanic guy are standing before a cliff. They proceeded to take lovely pictures.

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Why don't men want to marry virgins? They are wary of women who are inexperienced and who they may be sexually incompatible with.

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Me: How can you tell if somebody's a Nazi? Friend: How? Me: Their killing people in a ghetto. Friend: My friend was shot in a ghetto. Me: So, does that make him a Jew? Friend: No, he was just killed in a big ass oven.

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What happened When The lion asked the dog of a soda can? The giraffe who is taller the lion or the whos the fastest?

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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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What's worse than eating half a worm? Eating somebody's brain.

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What's easier than a whore? Doesn't matter, your mom's a whore either way.

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Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim in already in america.

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What is funnier then 25 9/11

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Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

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Q: Why are there no tablets in the jungle? A: The pharmaceutical logistics involved would be enormous and would make very little business sense.

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"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

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What did Rachel (the columbine girl) get for her birthday?? Nothing she's dead.

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9/11

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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What you call it when 8 goes over 4? An improper fraction.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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