Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

numbers just make the funniest antijokes

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Dylan Hodge's mother touches her own butthole at night. Joshua Brown's sister rubs Josh's earlobes passionately. Brock is a fag. Jacob is Awesome. Daniel THINKS he's awesome. Jamie kills everyone. Apart from Jacob.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a movie theater.and attempts to parate a film. He is then caught by employees of the theater and now faces fines and possible jail time for his actions.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats green and red, in a ditch, and has cookie crumbs all over it. The girl scout i ran over with my car.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a black guy who wins a race? A winner

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What does Yoko Ono say while rehearsing her song before a concert? She gives directions to the band.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than someone who isn't racist? A racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What starts with F and ends with UCK? FUCK

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call 5 black people being killed in a car crash? A terrible incident

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob What do you call that same kid when he's at your doorstep? Matt What do you call that same kid when he's hanging in your room? I don't know, but you should stop calling him names.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is worse then losing your remote? Falling off a cliff landing on a sharp rock and dying slowly.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how does a a fat person dance? with his feet

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the blond woman sell her water skis? She was in a horrible accident and will never walk again.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Three men walk into a bar they suffer permanent brain damage, and completely lose their basic cognitive abilities. They will never be able to speak to one another again.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's smaller then a midget? A baby midget.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops