What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

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A penguin walks into a bakery. The baker asks the penguin: "What kind of bread would you like? Brown or white?". Penguins answers: "Well, it doesn't really matter since I came here by car!".

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Why are there no Jews in hell? Because Hitler is there,

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Why did Anna fall off her bike? She had no arms. Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Anna.

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Q: what's green and has wheels? A: a john deere tractor

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What is the difference between a fridge and a tree ? The fridge can't sing

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How do you stop a baby flying 100mph? a shovel

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I will see it when I believe it, as far as your order or whatever goes, I have already taken a look, and its nothing for me, you hide behind idealism yet use cruel methods and inhuman tactics in order to justify your means, you hide behind a shell of fucking "charm" and employ people to harass others. YOU ARE NO FUCKING BETTER THAN THE REST! YOU ARE BENEATH ME! As for that sister fucking bullshit, joke is on you, I do not have a sister! I bet that was one of your fucking "Nero`s" all six billion of your fucking personality disorders. Moral: I am the FUCKING MORAL MAN! And while I do not have a sister to rape, ill get down with yours.

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What do you call a group of white males wearing hoods and setting fires? Cold

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How do you make a clown stop smiling? Hit him in the face with an axe.

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Why was the little girl crying. Her dad wiped his bloody penis with her teddybear.

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I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Q:Why did the Mexican cross the border? A:To come to America to provide for his starving family.

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Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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Wanna hear a funny anti joke?...........................................................................................Funny anti joke

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Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because the party was a rave and some mushrooms are know to make the consumer of them hallucinate wildly.

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This is the same thing you told me once, believe me, it helps holding into it.

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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The doctor said to the boy that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. He is diabetic.

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Why did the black man have sex with the white woman? Because they were married.

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Why was the Irish Cop happy to see the Mexican family killed in a accident? Because the Lopez family were a family known for generosity and selflessness. It came as no surprise to anyone who knew Steven Lopez and his beloved family that they were all organ donors and not only that but Shelly Lopez, Steven's oldest daughter had blood type O negative (the universal donor). Officer McO'Brianiganly's wife is dying in the hospital in need of a kidney transplant, doctors have given her just weeks to live. Now, thanks to unfortunate events for la familia Lopez., Officer McO'Brianiganly and his wife can live a long happy life together, just as they always imagined.

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Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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What did the priest do to the young catholic boy? Bless him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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