Barman: Why the long face? Horse: To support my twelve molars and twelve premolars which help me chew grass so I can swallow it properly.

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So this guy walks into a bar and– Nevermind it's really not that funny.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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"The Civil War wasn't won in a day, it was won in a lifetime." -Marc Cruz

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the boy find I'n his water? Ice

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what was so bad about hitler? he inadvertently subjected his political officials to death by rope

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a man walks in to a night club he can not danse so he just wachis pepol

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? wanna go ride bikes?

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How do you get children to behave? Chop them up.

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Roses are red Violets are blue, Eat my anus with a spoon.

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Why is this joke an anti joke? Because it's not trying to be funny.

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You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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What is blue and smells like the sea The ocean

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Why was the boy in hospital? He fell off the bus and was run over by many cars.

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends what its name is.

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knock knock whos there. no one your hullicinating, heroine is hell of a drug

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Why is Andrew sleeping? Because he took and overdose on sleeping pills, he probably died in his sleep.

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There are two kids playing basketball outside one kid shoots and makes it. The other youngster exclaims "nice shot!" because the other boy put the ball in the hoop from a very long distance.

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Why did the man stop eating? Because he took an arrow to the knee.

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How did I do in the running events? Not that good, I'm a paraplegic.

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why did the roof cave in? It was not structurally sound do to poor architecture

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How do you make Lady Gaga sad? You kill her family.

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what is black and blue and hates sex? the ten year old in my trunk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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