Q: What's the difference between a grasshopper and pencil? A: Lots

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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Why do blonde girls like penis? Because it tastes good

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A man walks into a bar with a couple of chickens by his side. He sees a man sitting at the bar drinking a beer. The man who's drinking the beer offers the other man a seat, and asks him to join him in the drinking. The other man hardly refuses and takes the beer from the other man and throws it on the floor, breaking it. The man sitting at the bar asks him why he did it. The man answers: "My chickens don't like beer"

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roses are red turtles are random. cancer

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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A guy walked into a restaurant. He sat down and had a lovely meal left the restaurant got in his car and went home. The End

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So let's pretend two men that had been friends for a very long time, one man asks the other man how he is, so the man tells the other man how he is doing. Then that man asks the other man how he is doing. The two men were engaged in a very interesting conversation. What did the men do next? Nothing. We're pretending, remember?

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Heroshima

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You know what he said? How did you know what he said?

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Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken.

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A blind man walks past a fish market then says "why hello lady's" ????

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he wouldn't become rotisserie with a side of hash brown.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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What do you get when you drink water? Piss.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house. knock knock..... who's there? the chicken

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Q: Whats the difference between a Jew and a Boy-scout A: Boy-scouts come back from camp

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Asexuals aren't known for f***ing around.

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Women are like fish. It's hard to tell when they are crying underwater.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I can not rhyme, Show me your tits

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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My little league baseball coach measured the team for cups. Its 9 years later and we still dont have those cups.

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why did the circus boy not do his homework? because he was in a coma.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops