Whats worse than getting shot? Getting shot twice.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the lesbian's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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Periods are red, waffles are blue, some poems rhym, this one doesn't.

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What is white and will kill you if it fell out of a tree? Charles Manson

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What's a vampire's favorite dessert? Vampire's don't exist What's Helen Keller's favorite dessert? Helen Keller doesn't exist

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What do you call a prostitute with morals? Ironic.

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An old man, and his daughter are walking down the street. They are having a nice time, until the daughter turns around to see the old man lying on the ground in pain because of the crippling arthritis in his back that has caused him agony and discomfort for years.

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Grandma used to say "you only die once." Years later, I learned the wisdom behind those words.

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When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

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What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? Fuck.

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How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

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what happened to the man who walked into a bar he slipped from the bar of soap and died

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why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was dead How did the second koala fall out of the tree? it was hit by the first one how did the third koala fall out of the tree? it thought it was a game and jumped off

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Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

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Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

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What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

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What looks good hanging from trees? Spanish moss.

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Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

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What sound does a baby in a blender make? I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.

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MAKE TEA NOT WAR!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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