Why didn't jimmy get to eat his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can extrapolate from incomplete data

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How did Allen Iverson compose one of the most well known interviews of all time? Practice.

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Why do Asians get 50% off on movies? They don't.

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender calls animal control.

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What happened when Susie fell off the Ferris Wheel? There was an open seat.

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what is big round and fat? Your MOM

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What's worse than swing a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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Who cured cancer? Not God. What do you think of the almighty now?

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Q:Why did the little girl fall out of the swing? A:Because she had no arms.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Whats worse than passing out drunk and having your friends draw on your face? When you die of alcohol poisoning in the morning

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knock! knock! Whos there? Chris Hansen..

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Ha! You're so gay that I respect the sexuality you were born with and I feel completely comfortable with, and happy for, you and your preferences.

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What do you call the white woman who bought kool-aid for a black man. a good friend.

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What did the coney say to the hotdog? At least i kill people.

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Whats green and smells like ass? My ass. I lied about the green..

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''Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work.

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Your a christain on a lovely vacation with your family a querr waalks by. What do you do? you push the queer of the edge.

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this new cologne, it's kind of gross smelling.

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what happens when you shoot a piece of soup It dies

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

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A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "I want six shots of whisky," responds the young man. "Six shots? What’s the occasion?" asks the barman. "My first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house." To which the young man replies, "No offence sir, but if six shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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