How many tortoises does it take to change a light bulb? One. Just don't expect it to be done quick.

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Q: what's wrong with this sentence? My dogs is running in the garden A: I don't have a garden

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Yo mama so fat.

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Q: What did the nazi say to hitler? A: You like my Auschwitz?

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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

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What is the difference between a baleen whale and a black guy? One speaks and one says EEEEEEERRRROOOOOWWOWOWOWOOWRR!

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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yo mama so old that back in her school she didnt have history class

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Warning: Legit Joke Below What is the difference between an elevator and a Mexican? Only one can raise a child.

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Why is my grandpa always so grumpy? Because he has diabetes and life is very difficult for him.

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What did the duck with one leg say to the pirate? Woof.

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what do you get when you cross ruddell with a chicken? still a prick

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What did the woman say to the man before she had sex with him? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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What do you call a fat man who can turn slim? I don't know

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Why did Sarah fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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how did the little black boy cross the river? he walked over the bridge.

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A rapist and a little child walk through a dark forest. The little child says: "It's scary here." Rapist answers: "Tell me about, I gotta go back alone through here."

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I flipped through the Yellow Pages, made a few calls, and found the Chinese man I was looking for.

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Roses are red Babies cry Get in my bed Or you will dies

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How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being hit by a plane.

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Q. Why cant Stephen Hawking walk into a bar? A. Because he suffered being paralyzed and is unable to walk. So theoretically speaking it is impossible to walk when paralyzed and in a wheelchair unless the victim is out of his or her wheelchair. Please note that the chances of walking when paralyzed are extremely slim.

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Why is Michael Jackson a bad chess player? Because he's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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