What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you get when a person and a cat try to have a child of some sort? Nothing because there chromosomes don't match, and there for physically impossible.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two elephants were out flying. Then one elephant said to the other: My grandmother has a pink toothbrush!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did they save the man in a burning building? To arrest him for arson.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what did the man say to his dog? sex. -teagan doherty

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What looks like a lion, sounds like a lion, and feels like a lion? A lion Ba dum chh

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the shark attack the rock? Because it thought it was a human.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree? Get him a ladder and help him down.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the man with a colostomy bag say after his home was destroyed in a fire? At least all my shit’s in one place.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the 2nd monkey fall out if the tree? He was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see, Monkey do.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Is your refrigerator running? I hope so, or else the food will go bad!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

your momma's so fat that we are all seriously concerned for her health.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why did hellen kellers dog run away? because if your name was awughunguh you'd run too.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: What did they call the dude who was stuck on a deserted island? A: Incontinent.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do u get high, meet a leprachaun, and touch a rainbow? U find a leprechaun shoot him, steal his pot, and run up the rainbow silly!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo mama is so fat, she lost in a race to a person who had less physical mass.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock knock "Who's there?" "Bark bark" "Bark Bark who?" "Bark bark bark bark bark bark."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? open the door and put him in.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the plane crash? because there were two towers in front of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Get out".

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you get with you crossbreed a lamp with a chicken? Nothing... You can't crossbreed an inanimate object with a living being.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Nero, listen, do not try to imply that you created the Iron man method, that was developed by many people over the duration of many years in the former underground society. You seem far too educated to be the savage you claim to be, if I told you that our people will do the uttermost to see if we can fix that eye of yours and succeed, will you forgive my failure and imperfections as a leader? Look at it this way, I am a leader, not a ruler, what my followers do is up to them, but if they cannot understand that they have to pay the consequences behind their actions, they have no place within the order, as for the expression "my order" it is simply what my many followers like for me to say, not because they are unwilling to take responsibility, but as a token of praise. Our articulations and means of expressing desire and such are very much the same, have you ever been part of our order?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

An airplane's engine suddenly blows up in the middle of its flight. The pilot turns around and sees a blonde and a brunette. He turns to his right and sees only two parachutes. The pilot says "Ok guys, only two-" Then the plane blows up.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops