How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? As they can't find any, they are just squirrels, they can not asist little timmy choking on the lightbulb rolling around on the floor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Crossing Guard union had reached a collective agreement and they had returned to work and it was safe to cross once again.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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Which came first, The chicken or the egg? Well, Firstly, I suppose that depends on if we are discussing Creation or Evolution. If we are talking about Evolution, The Chicken must Logically have evolved from an egg laying creature, one which was similar to, but not quite a chicken, so, the first chicken hatched from the egg of said creature. However, if we are discussing Creation, there is no way to discern which the deity in question decided to create first, so, even odds. Therefore, Logically, there is a 75% chance the Egg came first. However, if we are discussing Chicken Eggs Specifically, the reverse is true, because the egg the first Chicken hatched from would not have been a chicken egg, it would have been the egg of another creature, a "proto-chicken" if you will. and so, in the evolution scenario, the Chicken came first. Still, in this situation, there are even odds as to which a creator may or may not have created first. Therefore, Logically, in this Scenario, there is a 75% chance that the Chicken came first

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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Your mother is so ugly corrective surgery would not be able to improve her appearance

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. They both died of blood loss.

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John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. Johnny runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his? hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

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what doesn't kill you makes you crippled for life because you lost use of your legs in a tragic car accident

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What do you call a squirrel in my yard? Dead.

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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Why some people don't get the flu twice? Because they died!

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Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

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What did the young Muslim man have attached to him? A book-bag, it was is his first week college and he eager for an education.

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Two Mexicans are at the border and want to cross it. How do they cross it? Illegally

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Jack and Jill went up a hill to snort a little coke, Jack felt horny , so did Jill. But unfortunately Jack cant's maintain an erection no matter how turned on he is.

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3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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68

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How do you get four gay men on one stool? You get three more stools.

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What do you call a black man that has just gotten out of jail? A former criminal who has served his time in prison and is now trying to redeem himself by becoming a respectable member of his community

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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