A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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In Soviet Russia, this joke is an anti-joke.

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this last joke was a correction to the other one

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what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? a jew is a member of a religion called Judaism, they're generally tall and have curly hair, however not in all situations is this true. They celebrate Chanukah and passover and many other holidays. Pizza is an italian dish, it's round, has red sauce and cheese on it and is pretty tasty.

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Q: What did the racoon say to the cow? A: Nothing, because neither have the extansive intillect to speak in a manner that the other would understand.

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roses are read, violets are blue. i have alzheimers and Jill came tumbling down.

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Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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knock knock whos there banana banana who knock knock whos there orange orange who orange you glad I didn't say banana

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I walk into a bar...

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Multi Orgasmic Pillow screechers

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What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

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Did you hear about the three Arabs that hijacked a plane? They drove it into the Pentagon.

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how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 7

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A man walks into a bar so how many Jews were there when a man called Wellard ate a pizza. Balloons

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Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

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*The doctor walks in* Knock knock. Whos there? Doctor. Doctor Who?

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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What did the little boy ask for for Christmas? A new brain, as he has a malignant tumor, he died.

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What do you call a guy with aids? Your dad

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A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says nothing, because he's a horse The bartender soon relizes there is a horse in his bar, and calls animal control

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Pandas Everywhere!!!

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What's bigger than a breadbox? Whitney Houston's coffin.

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Life is like a bucket of wood shavings. Except when they're in a pail. Then it's like a pail of wood shavings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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