I am so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

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What happens when a baby stops crying? it dies.

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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How is a hamster like a cigarette? They are harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo beep beep.

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http://www.google.com/webhp?doodle=6201726X-hA7spmZ-pmZnpnn__-ynJTMzfAAADUAAAcaZmb9sN8GZmGIzMz9UzM3OmZm2n7__6430pmZuSZmZm___y1yGQYhiElhkGQZBkGYZBiGQZBkGQZBkGQZBkGQZBkGITCGQZBkE4hkGQZRkGIUSGIYhkEEhkGUXiGIXkGIXkGIXkGQXiGQXkGQXiGIZhiGIRiGEZhmE5hhGUViGQYRklohkFohkFpBiFpBkFpBkGQYhmEEhmGQYhJIYhlFkhkGQZFg&hl=en&nord=1 For alien signals

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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How does a bird grow gills if you're riding a peanut. A fridge.

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whats black with purple?nothing no animals or humans have anything like that

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John: Knock knock Jack: Who's there? John: Whale Jack: I don't know a Whale, go away. John violently rips off Jack's cock in becaus he's sick of his shit.

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There was a curtain who sneezed and then asked you for a tissue. He was in a room with two chairs a coffee table and a 37 year old bookcase, why did he sneeze???? Because he had a cold!!????

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Knock knock... Knock knock... Knock knock... Unfortunately, nobody was home to sign for Marks parcel.

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What is big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

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What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

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A dyslexic man walked into a bra

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Why don't bats have penises? They do. I tried. Menstruation.

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YOU

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Whats the leading cause of death Life.

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What do u call a beaner when he stands up 4 foot nothing

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the WNBA

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What was the strangest part about meeting a girl called Suzie? She had arms.

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What's under there? I'm not falling for that one...

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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Why can't penguins fly? Because their wings are adapted to swim and not to fly

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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