Why didn't the cat eat its dinner? Because I nailed its head to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

It's so hot even chuck noris can't withstand this shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hey Lady Gaga, Madonna called, she wants her clothes back; she lend them to you weeks ago for a concert because you didn't have anything to wear and you haven't returned them yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A narwhall walks into a store and asks the cashier where he keeps the soap products. The cashier does not speak english.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the roof cave in? It was not structurally sound do to poor architecture

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did Tim get for Valentimes day? nothing, no such day exists. spell check

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q:How many pancakes can you fit on top of as doghouse? A:Purple. Because ice cream has no bones.....

thumb_up thumb_down +4

,Do you know what hapened to the janitor who cleaned the school halls? He finished the job, got paid a reasonable amount and went home to his average family.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than a baby in a dumpster? A baby in two dumpsters

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why shouldnt you throw a rock at a black person on a bike? Its probably your bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Ben's Graandma get him for Christmas? Nothing, she died on Thanksgiving!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

In Soviet Russia it's pretty cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall? The wall was unstable and not to be sat on.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it was kind of by chance that it crossed the road and what is the big deal lots of animals cross the road. For example possums, squirrels, deer, raccoons, cats, dogs, rabbits do pretty often too it's weird because sometimes more rabbits cross the road on Easter I don't know if that's just me though, chipmunks, bears, over in Africa probably tigers and lions cross those roads.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, Violets are blue, when the bass droped, my balls did too.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first baby. Why did the third baby fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do skeet disks and Jewish babies have in common? Hitler used to shoot them out of the sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was 6 afraid of 7? When 6 was just a young boy living in a quaint suburbial town, his family, 1 2 3 4 and 5 were all killed by 7. 7 then burned down their house while 6 ran away from the blazing inferno he used to call home. 6 was forced to live off the land in order to survive. 6 built a house using only mud and sticks and a little elbow grease. When 7 heard the news that 6 was still alive and well in the forest, 7 went into the woods, tracked down 6's home and again burned it down. When 6 came back from a day of fishing and a handfull of fish, he saw that his house was burned down. The fish then escaped from his hands, and flew away. 7 had left a note on the ground that said 7. 6 then recalled the first time 7 had killed his family and burned down house. 7 had now burned down two of 6's houses. That is why 6 is afraid of 7.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

There once was a man from Nantucket Who got his head stuck in a bucket He yanked and he yowled, he hollered and howled, Then gave up and grumbled, "Aw, I guess I'll have to go to the doctor."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops