why couldnt hellen keller drive a car? because she was a woman

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why couldn't the hobo buy any clothes? They did not have his size available.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why didn't the mexican have a job? because he was working on his masters degree

thumb_up thumb_down -21

The queen having a shit

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why do black people like watermelon? Because it good you racist bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the Jewish man say to the Shia faction Muslim man? Even though we have different views on god and religion I value your friendship more than my religous views.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Is this the Krusty Krab? Yes, how may I help you?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? They do. In fact, seagulls can be found near almost any body of water.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

If this joke were a potato I would be very confused

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the psychopath say to the firefighter? Can you lend me a few bucks? My clothes are dirty and I need to go to the launromat.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A black man and a white man enter a public toilet. They both begin to pee at the urinals. The whiteman peers over to the blackman mid-pee. He is dissappointed to find that the black man's penis is not large according to stereotype and then blushes embarassed by his own latent homosexuality. They both leave the toilet and never see eachother again. The white man cries himself to sleep later that night. 'I've been hiding too long' he thinks.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A chicken walks into asda/walmart The person at the counter says: "What can I get you?" The chicken says: "Cluck"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. The ocean is inanimate and therefore incapable of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why the hell does my sister shower in a swimsuit every time? Its not as if anyone is looking! ALRIGHT! ONCE ALRIGHT? ONLY ONCE! But then she hears the sound of my zipper ONCE and the shit hits the fan! Which is weird, yeah suuure she hears it when I pull it up, but when I pull it down and stroke it and moan? Nada!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A train conducter conducts at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph, if he goes under 2 bridges and over 3 hills what did the conductors mother have for dinner that night. Nothing she was raped then promptly murdered.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What do you call an african american child that hasn't eaten in a week? hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" The man replies "Surprise me." The bartender proceeds to mix cyanide with the mans drink and loses his bartending license and goes to prison for murdering a customer.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

nobody move, or i'll kill myself, then her!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the alphabetical soup spell for little Bobby? U gOt SUzie prEgnant ....... aGaiN

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Rock a by baby, In a tree top When the wind blows The cradle will rock, When the bough breaks The cradle will fall And down will come baby Dying on impact.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops