What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A co-pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +3

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock .... Knock Knock .... Pum Pum Pum .... LAPD! open the door!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many men does it take to change a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

thumb_up thumb_down +3

In soviet Russia...things are different

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How much does a polar bear weigh? About 800 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many victims of the holocaust does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. They're all dead you sick fuck.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mum's so fat, she attends regular weight loss facilities to lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A amazing I idiots D discover S sex

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the homosexual community have last night? A protest for gay rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Dave: Heyy Steve! Steve: Oh heyy Dave! Dave: The word of the day is legs! Steve: so? Dave: So lets go back to your place and spread the word? Steve: ....How about right now? ;) Both: HEY EVERYONE..WE'RE GUNNA HAVE SEX!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q:How do you fit ten babies into a bucket? A: A blender Q:How do you get them out? A: Nachos

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar He orders a beer, drinks the beer, then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mother is so classy, when I asked her to order at a fast food drive through she decided to park the car a eat inside.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Who didnt visit the orphanage this year? Mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house No Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock-Knock Come in! ...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Playing Jenga on September 11th.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did one lion say to the other lion? Nothing. There was no other lion. This particular lion had horrible social anxiety so he spent most of his time alone, eating buffalo poop and playing World of Warcraft thus further alienating himself from the other lions. He was a very lonely lion.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you kill a politician? You set him on fire and stab him in the back 20 times.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you tell your friend who has been cheating on his wife? You're a terrible human being, and she deserves better!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops