What did the man in need of a prosthetic arm get from the hospital? A diagnosis for cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red Violets are blue, I am sorry... But you have terminal cancer and are probably going to die in about 3 months

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two buses.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? Robin get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

When Life Gives You Melons... You're Probably Dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats black and white and red all over Racial violence

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why is water clear? Because it doesn't have a pigmentation.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +25

This is no joke. Well, I did warn you.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you make a blond to shoot herself? You give her a gun and than ask her to pull the trigger.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Q: Why is Alzheimer not funny? A: To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

whats worse than being raped by a giant scorpion getting raped by 2 giant scorpions

thumb_up thumb_down +25

what is the difference between a indian and a trampoline? you take you shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the chicken cross the road? because

thumb_up thumb_down +25

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill all his friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

So a horse walks into a bar. The rancher immediately contacted medical help, and with a little teamwork, the horse was treated and revived.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What smells worse than cow manure? Burning Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the man answer his cell phone at 3 AM in the morning? Because his phone was ringing and was probably waiting for an important phone call

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops