I like my women like I like my coffee, a brewed beverage prepared from the roasted seeds of an evergreen shrub of the genus Coffea.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did the bear say to the fish? Nothing he eat it

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A.One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other's a human.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Pi and i are having an argument about the state of modern mathematics. Pi goes into a frenzy and i says "be rational". Pi does not realise that i was just being friendly, and so tells him: "get real". [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the white girl crying? Because she was sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock : F*ck im watching porn...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

facebook is like a refrigerator. you eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the african child get for christmas? Abducted.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Yanter, Look it up

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Holy crap it's a talking muffin!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was Johnny so sad His father beat his mother

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Silly Billy throw a clock out the window? Because he has a serious anger problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Do you like waffles yeah we like waffles do you like pancakes do you like french toast yeah we like french toast dododododod let me get a mouth full. WAFFLES!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

"It's a blimp, it's a hot air balloon!" "No wait, it's your mom."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the politician say to the other politician? We are both politicians.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you say to an over weight Jewish mother? "Work on those crunches" He was her coach.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Juan got hit by a truck Knock Knock Who's there? Juan's brother coming to stab you in the abdomen.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A midget walked under a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did Jesus say when he made the first black person? What another perfect creation to this world!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q. Why did the black man not get on the boat A. Because he gets seasick

thumb_up thumb_down +4

The adventures of Helen Keller:

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A black guy walks out of a house with a t.v. He proceeds to put it into a moving van and moves into his new house.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the anorexic girl say to the skilled psychologist? Fuck off you'll never understand me.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops