A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? A long sleeve shirt

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Knock knock. Who's there? Knock. Knock who? Knock knock.

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What's the difference between a piano and a goldfish? One's a piano, the other is a goldfish.

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What did the farmer say when he finally found his tractor? 'Where's my tractor?'

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whats worse than someone blowing out all your birthday candles? a piano dropping on your head.

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. I have a gun. What did i do?

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Steve

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what did the special ed kid get on his iq test? drool

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Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

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"who you calling pinhead" tell me you know what thats off

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You just read this ..

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Roses are Expensive. Violets are Gay. Poems are for pussies... Have a nice day!

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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here's my two cents worth! *hands you two pennies , entire life savings*

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I once did something.

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Person A said: Knock Knock! Person B could not answer the door as he could not hear Person A's announcement of his or her arrival.

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Q: What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A:One is fun to hit with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

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I tried frying some fish today, and it started sizzling at me. I took it as a direct threat and started yelling at the stove. Eventually it stopped and dinner was ruined, but I was proud of myself for winning.

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Why is it stupid to call your son Bethany? It is commonly a girl's name.

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What happened when the zombie walked into the blonde lady convention? He went home hungry.

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yo mama so stupid that when she stared at an orange jucie carton for 20 minutes cause it said consatrate

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- i send you a friend request on facebook - okay

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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