What's the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck; the other regrets having you as a child.

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What do you get if you cross a horse with a cow? A horse and a cow.

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how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. I shot him in the head. With a bullet made of lead. So now he's dead. No more eating of shoes.

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How do you make a sandwich? You don't, you have a girl do it for you.

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What is brown and woody? Brown wood.

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Two fish were lying on a bank. One said "I can't breath." The other one was dead.

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How many times can the Frenchman cheat on his wife? I don't know.

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Whats worse then getting AIDS Math class

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Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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What has eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs face.

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What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

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You ask a German how long it takes to go from Berlin to Amsterdam. He replies, ''About four hours by tank."

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What happened to the dog who lost its legs? It Died.

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Why did the horse go to the doctor? It had a heart disease.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. and Asians are yellow.

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a 10 year old walks into a bar and orders a beer, he is then escorted out because you are not aloud to be under 21 years old to be in a bar

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A lot of things, because a dead baby isn't funny at all.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because it most likely saw a shiny object and wanted to play with it. Luckily there was no cars passing at the time but the parents should be more careful to keep thier child in sight and away from peril. That and the baby found a small piece of glass that could be harmful to it....

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there are two muffins in an oven. one says "its getting hot in here". the other says " oh my gosh!!! its a talking muffin!!!"

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knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

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What is blue and feels like a shirt? A blue shirt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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