Why didn't Michael J. Fox feel the Virginia earthquake? He was on vacation in Maui.

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What did the indian man say to the black man? "Hi."

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Where can you find a good lawyer? At a reputable law firm.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!". The grasshopper turns and says "You've got a drink named Steve?"

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What is small and gives people courage? Certain kinds of illegal drugs

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What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexic Association

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How do you seat four gay guys at a bar when there's only one stool? Flip the stool over.

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roses are black violets are grey... im color blind sorry

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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What stands on the corner oof every major city at night? A cop

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poems... Nice tits

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Wendy went for a walk every day in the forest. Why not today? She was shot yesterday

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Why should you never trust anglers? Because they're always into fishy business... Why should you never trust hunters? Because they carry loaded guns...

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Whats white and looks like a bunny? a rabbit

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So, a bulldozer rolls into a bar, there is no bar now.

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How many fat Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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im at school

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Why does Nathan Rogers never get any pussy? Because goblins have small dicks

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Anti-Joke is a silver bullet.

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It's April Fool's Day and a little boy runs up to his mom. "Daddy hung himself! He's in the attic!" The mom runs up to the attic, but the dad's not there. The boy looks at his mom and says, "April fools! He's in the basement!"

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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A funny joke: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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