(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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do you currently smoke? i hope not.

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Why did the man say ow? He got his dick caught in his zipper.

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Why does Rupert The Bear wear checkered trousers? Because he's a twat.

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? the NBA

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What do you call a horse with wings and a horn on his head? Drunk

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because it is the decaying remains of a corpse and therefore lacks brain and muscle tissue depriving it of the ability of though and movement both of which are key skills in the art of dancing.

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Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet deep? Because deep down they are really good people.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. he crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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Person 1: Can I ask you a question? Person 2: You just did.

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What did the devout Catholic man say to his gay neighbours who just got married? "Congratulations!"

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Whats small and has Aids? Avery..

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What did Helen Keller do when she found a dead body? Nothing.

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How do you get an alien baby to sleep? Well, first you need to get an alien baby.

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Why did the little girls ice cream melt? Because she was on fire.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing. She had no arms Knock knock Whis there Not Mary.

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How do you kill a black man? You drop a fridge on him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

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A boy tells his friend a 9/11 joke. The boy's friend says "Don't joke about 9/11, my dad died in it." "I'm sorry I didn't know.", responds the boy. "Yeah, that's the last plane he ever flew"

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There once was a man who couldn't finish any sente

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What did the disabled child say when I hit him with my car? *thunk*

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He was. I am sorry, he knows to much, this is for the well being of everyone, including yourself, he will be going down, the order has been given.

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Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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