How did the magician make it look like there are 2 books on the table? By putting 2 books on the table

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why did the husband always work late nights? he needed the extra hours to provide for his family

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Im black

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What's up? The sky. What's down? Your mom: she was stabbed

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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Whats luckier than finding a lucky penny? winning the lottery.

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What do you call someone with the world biggest encyclopedia on their head? Dead.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Dead Babies

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What's the difference between working at Mc Donalds and working as a hooker? A hooker gets paid more.

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What's black and white and red all over? Two biracial gay guys boning a can of paint...

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About the bible, I did not know, but I can sense I calculate it the same way I make our followers believe that I can tell what catchphra they will get. Your mind is numb but calm, it will remain there until we meet again. I am afraid of saying this, but I wont let fear get to me just yet, your mother told me, she regrets her actions in life, and wants me to tell you that she is watching over you in death, and hopes you will one day forgive her, she tells me that there is a heaven, but only those that can admit their mistakes, agonize over the pain of their actions, until they can forgive themselves for their misdeeds. She says she can wait, but I sense she is doing it because she feels undeserving, which again means that you are not ready, its like the butterfly effect, all things spiritual and on this plane are connected. Take your time, I know you literally cant forgive her yet, because that would not be enough for her to forgive herself now, humans dead or alive, cannot be truly free, until they let go of what hurts them, I will change that within you, so you can forgive her and break the limits in your mind, so you can stop feeling sad for being rightfully angry at someone you love. I just need more energy, more time, and belief in myself, something that requires more energy than it should to keep going, its the balance and connection between things, something I cannot change at the present moment, even if I did my best. Ill see you around dear friend.

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A guy walks into a bar, A metal one, OUCH!

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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please dislike this or else i will continue writing this, lalalalalalalalalallalalalalallalalalalalalalallaallaalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalaallalalalallalalaallalalalalalallalalalalalallalalalalalalallalalalalalalla

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*insert lame joke stolen from the top 10 jokes and act like it's original because I changed one word*

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knock knock who's there greg greg who greg is crying because his grandma dementia made her forgot all about him

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why do rednecks wear big belt buckles? it's a tombstone for a dead dick:)

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roses are red orchids are black I like you best when you lye on your back

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are stupid. It most likely starved to death when it got stuck in a hole.

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Xzibit

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Why do black people drink cool-aid? Because it tastes good.

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Why did I kill the Muslim because I'm smart

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What's silent but deadly? Limnic Eruption.

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Do you speak alien? Hola.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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