Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it wanted to.

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LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL

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What do you call a flying jew? Smoke.

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Batman and Superman switched sidekicks. Superman didn't want Robin.

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Terry Stockton wasn't really hit.

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A Palestinian woman asks a man for directions. She is promptly stoned to death.

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Its a bird! No, it's a plane! Oh... so it is.

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Two english guys meet at work

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I saw a "Baby on Board" bumper sticker on a car TARGET AQUIRED

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Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

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A Brunette a ginger and a blonde were getting their hair done? WHich side of the bus did they sit on? Why did i put a question mark on the first part?

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Knock Knock Who's There? It's Me. Oh, OK. Come On In.

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I am not Moral Man. Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Spotto

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What did the disabled boy get on Christmas morning? Cancer.

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? One is a tasty Italian food the other is a respected member of society

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Q: Whats better than 10 baby's nailed to 1 tree. A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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what is long hard and full of seamen......... A sumbirine..........................(what were you thinking)

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Roses are red, Violets are green, get in my bed, if you know what I mean.

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What's pink fluff? Pink fluff. What's blue fluff? Pink fluff holding it's breath. What's red fluff? Angry pink fluff. Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a tr-- No. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was just lying about the wheels. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple, 'cause the other half's in your mouth. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Angry pink fluff. What's worse than angry pink fluff? The holocaust. That's not funny. Stop laughing.

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why was the panda sent to prison? he played a major roll in the bombing of 9-11

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Why did the ginger cross the road? To tell the police that her family had been taken hostage.

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How does Stevie Wonder pick up girls? He doesnt, he has someone do it for him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops