My friend Edward found a worm in his apple. Edward happened to be a lemur. Lemurs eat both plants and worms, so he ate them both.

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My mom always said it was fun to jump into a pile of leaves... That was before she was devoured by a 10 ft. scorpion.

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Why did the fish swim away from the boat when the fishermen put him back in the water? Because he obviously wasn't gonna get back in the boat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road. Because, It can't fly

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what do u call blue fluff? blue fluff

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Why was the baby crying? Because a tree fell on its legs.

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whats worse than being ugly? being aivy.

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How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Bug? Four, maybe 3, depending on the size of each person.

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Whats worse than a Worm in Your Apple? Being raped

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Knock, knock. *answers door*

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What's worse than genital warts? Herpes. You can get rid of warts

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What did the young boy get His dad for fathers day? Nothing, his dad died from a very aggresive cancer

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What did the Africans get for dinner? Nothing.

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What does a person and a tree have in common? You can knock them down if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

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Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Do you work at subway? Because I often enjoy eating there and i think the food is pretty good. I do not however eat there everyday because i might get overweight and get a eating disorder.

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A Man: Why does it seem as though you always find what you need in the last place you look? Another Man: Probably because you don't continue to look.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because at some point through out the day, it had been relocated to the other side of the road. Since it was feeding time, it needed to return to the chicken coop or else risk death due to starvation.

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whats your name? bumder:)

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pickle juice?

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How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? With artillery.

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What did the man do when he was tired Nothing he went to bed

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what do you get when you put a baby in a blender? salsa how to you get it out? tostitos

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops