Once there was a rich man who lived in a castle on a hill. One fine morning who awoke and decided to go downstairs to make a cup of tea. As he switched on the kettle, he realised he had no tea bags, and so, went to the local shops to buy some – but when he arrived back, his magnificent castle had been burnt down to the ground. The man, obviously shocked, looked around in hope for some evidence as to who would commit this awful crime, but he saw nothing, apart from a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance and they give him a mansion. One morning in the man’s fine mansion, he decided he wanted a nice cup of tea, so went downstairs, discovered he had no teabags, went to the shop to purchase some and came back to find his mansion was no more than a pile of ash. Once again he looked around and saw nothing other than a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance for a second time and they give him a normal house. One morning in the man’s normal house, he feels the need for a cup of tea. But has no teabags, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to find his normal house has burnt down. In the distance a little green man is running away. Insurance give the man a small cottage. And one morning in this small cottage, the man goes downstairs to make a cup of tea, but once again he has no teabags. Off to the shops he went to buy some but discovered, as he approached his cottage on the way home, that it had been burnt down. He looked around to see the now familiar sight of a little green man running off into the distance. Insurance give him a caravan. One morning in the caravan, the man discovers, while attempting to make a cup of tea, that he has no teabags. So, naively, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to his caravan to find it burnt down. He looked up and saw a little green man running off into the distance. The now annoyed insurance company give the man a tent. One sunny morning in the man’s tent - he feels the need for tea, but has no teabags; he goes to the shop to buy some and arrives back at his tent to find a little green man holding a can of gasoline and some matches. The man asks: “are you the one who has been burning down all my houses?” And the little green man replies: “No.”

Q: How do you make a cat bark? A: Douse it in gasoline and throw it in a fire.........WOOF!!!!

What happened to the newlywed couple who couldn't tell the difference between KY jelly and window putty? All their windows fell out.

milk,eggs,butter,deodorant,chocolate syrup,chile powder,dildo,bacon

Ham sandwich

Robin, get in the batmobile.

what do you call a man who makes fun of womens rights? Single

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably a turtle.

THAT MAN EATS TOO MUCH. therefore he is overweight.

How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

What did the the boy get from his grandma for Christmas. Nothing. she died a week ago.

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because, the farmer lacked basic fence mending skills

What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd go all the way to the store and buy one.

Roses are yellow Violets are also yellow Please don't stereotype again

JUSTIN BIEBER PERFUME!

Why can't Sean slam dunk cos he has no arms -•#21

Thumbs this down

Mirror mirror on the wall. Why can't I see?

Mitt Romney.

What do you call a group of black people? A group, you racist.

Q: What did the blonde woman say? A: My hair is blonde

Are u that bald or is your neck blowing bubbles.

why the woman scream when she arrived at her surprise party? Everyone was dead!

i may not know where you sleep. but, i spiked your drink with sleeping pills

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...