What is black, white, and red all over? A bleeding zebra.

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You wanna hear a joke about my penis Nevermind, it would be inappropriate of me to say such a thing.

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What did the priest say to Jesus when he revealed himself on Christmas morning? Happy birthday

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yo mama is so fat she is 1 candy bar away from dieing

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What's worse than your dad being hit by a car? Your family being hit by a bus.

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So 2 black guys walk into a bar and the bartender looks around and say "what will you fine gentlemen have?" and they order and payed their tab and could not have been more courteous, amirite?

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whats green and walks? A cabbage, cabbages dont walk

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What's the difference between John Candy and Chris Farley? Nothing. They're both dead.

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Why did the dog smile? It didn't. Humans are the only creatures on planet Earth capable of smiling, therefore, dogs are unable to smile.

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a sailor went to his G.P to see if he had HIV turned out he had hepititis C

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What do you call a person with no legs and an eyepatch? Names.

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when im sad im feel horny i rape little children -jimmy saville , last words of the diary

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knock knock... who's there? your grandmother, now please let me in it's very cold outside. *you now proceed to open the door for your grandmother as she is elderly and you dont want her to freeze

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how do u make an infant cry? hit it in the face with a full grown salmon.

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A Chinese man, an American man, and a Mexican man are sitting in an airplane. When the flight attendant comes by with food, the Chinese and American both opt for pretzels, while the Mexican prefers crackers and makes his selection accordingly. The three sit back and enjoy their snacks separately.

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A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

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Knock knock. ... ... *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

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What do you call a black man forcing two young girls into his car with a gun? A Police Officer.

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when the teacher asked jimmy if he was a girl jimmy felt very scared because his teacher had no mental problems.

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Why was the kindergarten teacher crying? a child had just choked to death

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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You's so ugly you should consider facial reconstruction surgery if it's covered by your insurance.

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Cavan keely's the type of guy who drives past hilltown screaming GET IT THE VAN!!

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Violets are not blue They are Violet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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