- Anti Joke

What did the boy do before school? Jacked off.

A pussy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bar keeper asks " why are you such a pussy!" The pussy then says, "it's not my fault I'm a cat!" before getting run over

roses are red facebook is blue no mutual friends who the heck are you

Why did the girl fall down the hill? Her boyfriend pushed her.

Why did the kid tell yo mama jokes to insult other kids? His mom had just committed suicide due to depression caused by the kid's bad habits.

Why is it impossible to travel faster than the speed of light? Because it travels pretty darn fast.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

A guy walks into a bar. He's thirsty and wants a beer.

what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas?

Why do cats burp quietly, because they aren't men

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: Boobees

What do you call it when a woman doesn't want the child she is currently impregnated with? Abortion: a very sensitive and controversial topic.

There was a cat, an astronaut and a nun. The cat was sleeping, the astronaut was floating, and the nun was praying. There was a singer, a dancer and an actor. The singer was singing, the dancer was dancing, and the actor was acting.

You forgot to tell her that I can sense how you are doing and feeling based on how you phrase the words, how quickly you type, spacing, and lots of stuff I do not remember but can still make use off. Listen, I am alive and well compared to what I have been other times, the best thing about my grotesque childhood, is that it makes everything else, including this seem like nothing in comparison, nothing compares its as simple as that. Hey, speaking of simple, I want the new Street Figher game, and I want you to play if for me tomorrow, ill just tell you what to push or possess you or something else not possible, then we will both be calm like I am now, just like when we played Metal Gear, I tell you what to do, and you kinda suck and mess up because I am horrible at giving instructions okay? You know, I can see the sea from here, its really calming, it will also help you calm down as well, lets say I was in a casket, got out of it, and am recovering now, and you can be on your way now in about now unless my guys crashed in mid air, which is stupid, and stop staring at the screen like that, you should go watch television or something, distract yourself for the time being. Ill have to sleep now, speaking of knowing my limits, I might be taking permanent damage here, and while that is fine, I cant let it progress, I cant afford to go insane now that I have proven to many and most importantly myself that I am not. Remember when we watched flipper together? Skippy the Kangaroo? Mind breaking out those old video tapes? Id love watching them with you again... As for the videogames screw that, it was just something I said just like the sea, the game between you and me screwing up in order to "possess you", and then the sea so you would calm down like when you discovered you where really good at swimming once the fear of water got away. I wont lie you got that fear because I am a hydrophobe, young people end up mimicking the fear of one another, but thats over, I shower without getting blemishes now remember? I am no longer convinced my mother is laughing at me when the water gets cold either, I overcame that. Okay, wake up, just know I did not "possess you" I just "linked our emotions together by portraying a scenario we both know and enjoy doing together, I hope its okay I do not explain anymore, with zopiclone in the system, I can barely think at all. But let me know if you need more help. Say whats on your mind, ill read it all, but I cant answer, I am not taking any damage, I assure you that was just part of a hypnotic process, its "the link" I pretend like I am worried so you will know we are both worried and enter the same state, from then on I change it. I know you fear hypnosis and what it can do, but I hope you still trust me.

What do you call someone too young to drink? A minor

What are we then hypocrites?

Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

Whats big, round, and full of helium? Michaels Balloon head!

HOW LONG is a Chinese name?

What do you call a black man at harvard? Probably a criminal who is in harvard law trying to find a good lawyer.

Why did the asian fall over? He had a heart attack.

What is grey and looks like a rock? A rock

What does a Dominican and a Russian have in common... they are both thinking of a funny anti-joke to post on this site...

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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