what happened to your gran you tell me

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What do you give a small child when you don't have any candy? Nothing, you just kidnap them.

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Two men are in a bar. One of them turns to the other one and says, "I've slept with your mom." The other one replies "Go home dad you're drunk."

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What do you call a dog with three legs, is blind, and has terminal cancer? UnLucky

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So a duck walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk for lip balm. The clerk asks, "How will you be paying for that?" to which the duck replies, "Cash."

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Your mother's so fat, her blood type was Ragu

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Why did the Mexican jump the fence? He was at his neighbors house and it was shorter to cut through yards than to walk to his house

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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What did one musician say to the other? "We should have gone to college."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? Because it wanted to be a monkey? Why did the John fall out of the tree? Because he has no arms and legs because he suffers from a severe case of lepracy. Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by three monkeys, a fridge and a boy with no limbs.

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whats worse than school...wait a minute?

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose body parts were all adequate and thus could not perform any odd sexual acts upon himself.

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Unnnnnnnn

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Q:What's worse then Finding A Worm in Your apple? A: Realizing how empty your life is.

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My nieghbor is blonde, but she doesnt like corn dogs or anything of that sort because her boyfriend is mexican. Mexcans are banned from eating corn dogs because they illegally crossed the border. Her dog wieghs about 8.9485763 pounds. Her nieghbor also protests corndogs because she cant fit throught her customized door which was 39 feet long. Why was six afraid of seven? because that lady is 700 pounds.

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What did the normal guy say when he went to the Special Olympics? What a bunch of retards.

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Why didn't the parachute open? nevermind

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Knock Knock Who's There? Hi, I'm just going through the neighborhood to let everyone know that women secretly enjoy being raped.

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School

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Did you hear the joke about Hellen Kellers dad? It was very funny

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How much is a pet whale? $1350.99

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Nothing because saying a fish can talk is like saying Obama is a good president.

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Whats black and white, and red all over? A: Your grandma, naturally black haired, beaten to a pulp and left pale white with blood covering the majority of her body.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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