- Anti Joke

What's better than a worm in your apple? No worms in your apple.

What did the mexican get for his brthday? A potatoe

You again? Well, ill answer again then. Ill be fine, I just got some wounds and got beaten into a coma which nobody was sure I was going to wake up from so details where hidden. As for this Neo guy, I have no idea who he is and where he arrived from, but if he is gone, it wont matter. Lets just say I wont die from these wounds, some people disagree, but I have overcome far, far worse, so trust me, these guys told me I had two weeks to live about a month ago, and the doctor that was there at my birth told me I had two months to live and would never develop a consciousness... I digress and my japing mouth disagrees with his statement regarding my not being able to learn or understand fluid language, hah... ...As for you Golgo12 "some people deem me insane", id say most people do, except six million of them, and I do not plan to leave this realm just because my lifelong dream is set, there is still much to do, point zero is not exactly a nice place at the moment, but technology and money can do wonders, we soon plan to expand things. Sorry everybody else, I am too tired to answer anything, id say something sooner, but I officially beat the record of 11 days without sleep by not being able to sleep for 14 days, and then I raged when I read you need to hold on for at least six weeks on valium if you want to quit cold turkey. Technically docs say I am on 30 mg, but fuck I can handle 20 just fine... Cant say the same about none. Ill gladly share more details, but if I cant sleep soon, the damn pain will keep me awake all night long... Besides I am hungry... Which is good, my nurse (Alice is damn cute lucky me) was concerned about me refusing to eat, thats over... Oh yeah the details, I got some burns (lets not go into details, lets just say that for you that call me pretty face, this is no longer the case) They shattered my knees, but my kneecaps "broke on their own" (dad) when I was four, and you guys know I can run and all that. Except that they put some shit on my eyes before I broke free, but I managed to wash it away, so while I need some glasses until I see if laser surgery can fix my vision again (I doubt it, its not how it works) I will apparently be wearing glasses that Alice says makes me look "cute and nerdy" which to me sounds like Nerdy. Fine I got to eat, so if you have any more questions, feel free, and if Eliza got any more, I ask you guys let her go first, its not like "YOU ARE ALIVE?!? AGAIN?!" Is a question I need to answer to each of you rite? Well now or... Never (aka next week or something) so get moving...

Why did Coolio appear in the joke below? He did not, he was not for real at this particular situation... Well It was actually a typo because some douchebag told me Coolio sang that song and I forgot to change the name after finding the truth... Moral: YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Q:What is a black guy running with an iPod in his hand? A: A person who enjoys to listen to music while running.

what's green and has wheels? grass, i lied about the wheels.

Does it not sound kinda fun to keep slapping someone that always turns the other cheek?

What's brown and sticky? A stick

What is shaped like a duck without a beak? A duck that I punch the beak off of.

Why did Doctor Who visit Ancient Greece? Because has a time machine and has that ability

What do you call a pig with one eye? A pig.

What did the man say after falling off a bridge? He didn't say anything. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A fossil.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the the wheels.

Terrorist walked into the bar, all dead, except for a small child. The police came and asked the boy: "Boy, how I survived the blast?" The boy answered: "I'm not a boy, I am broccoli"

Why did the Filipino hate internet advertising? Because navigating around a webpage with pestering visual and audible promotions often proves cumbersome and distracting from the task at hand.

What did the rabbit say to the rabbi? ...RABBITS DO NOT TALK! So then the rabbi said, "In that case you must be a hare!"

Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

Helen got hit by a bus. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Helen!!

Me and my pet lion just took a trip to his homeland of africa. It is also worthwhile to note I'm a chronic liar.

A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink, drinks his drink, and leaves.

how did the man get down the stairs? he walked.

What do u call a black rapper who only raps about sex and money? lil wayne

If the red house is made out of red bricks, the yellow house is made out of yellow bricks, and the blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is the greenhouse made of? Ah, I see what you did there. You are expecting me to follow the sequence based on how each house is made out of bricks the same color as their title. However, I am one step ahead of you and I know that the greenhouse is made out of glass panels. But what if it were made out of green glass panels? Then, I suppose, the sequence could continue naturally yet we still have a problem of units - bricks vs. glass. Quite the dilemma we are facing.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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