A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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here's a great way to ruin someone's 'knock knock' joke: Knock knock Come in!

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If there are 3 black men as passengers in a car, who is driving? The person who is operating the vehicle.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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Going for the Dislike record woot I farted!

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what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

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Why did the kid get athsma? Genetics.

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What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from dry roasted peanuts, while jam is a product made with whole fruit, that is cut into pieces or crushed.

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What did the Engineer say to the English major? Hey we went to the same school and got different degrees! Cool!

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Why did the unicorn cross the road? i dont know. unicorns arent real

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A blond walked into a bar. A guy picked her up and then they had sex.

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2 blonds are driving on the road on their way to Disney Land. They come to the sign that says Disney Land left so they started crying, turned around and went home.

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Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

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really desperate to get laid guy gives out phone number in random places 5802352343 :D

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Why did Jenny fail her photography class? Because Jenny has epilepsy and she had a coma while taking the final exam? To this day Jenny is drain dead in the hospital.

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What's worse than nine dead babies hanging in a tree? One dead baby hanging in nine trees.

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Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

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The President, a terrorist, a student, and a genius were on a crashing plane. They all died.

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A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

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What do a duck and an elephant have in common? They're both yellow. Except for the elephant.

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Baseball

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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