How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

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Dude, you were so drunk last night that you got in a terrible car accident, and now you are paralyzed from the waste down for life.

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What's facial hair? Hair that slowly progresses to grow out of certain areas on your face.

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What did one apple say to the other? Nothing, it is scientifically proven that apples can't talk.

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Q. What did the chicken say to the buffalo? A. Nothing, this is an improbable predicament.

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Q: Why is grass green? A: I painted it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue i have aides egg

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a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

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a man dyslexic into bar walks a

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What do you call a horse with two legs? A kangaroo

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What did the terrorist do to the small village? Destroy it with a bomb vest.

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Whats the difference between a girl and a guy? one receives and one delivers.

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Yo momma is so stupid, she is in rehab and will unlikely get over her mental illness leading to her soon and fatal death.

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Something strange in you're neighborhood. Who you gonna call? The police.

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What's the difference between a police officer and a green dinosaur? They both aren't cabbages.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Big Brother. Big Brother who? That's right. ALL are who, Akbar!

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W. If I was one thing other then a person why would I be? M. The sun. W. Aww, so I brighten your day? M. No, you're just hard to look at.

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Wuy are Kenyans so fast? Because due to variations in evolution, people from that part of the world have a better muscle build to run at higher speeds than equally trained athletes from other parts of the world.

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One Zebra and One Elephant was walking in the desert, the Zebra said its hot and the elephant said i know.

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Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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What do you call someone who thinks they're funny but in reality isn't? Adam chapali Knock knock Who's there? NOT adam chapali

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Why are Asians yellow? Because that is their natural skin color

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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