Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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Q. How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Who knows? It's dark!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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Peas

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Why did the white man buy a new pair of socks? His old ones has holes.

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Why did the mexican go back to mexico? He grew up there

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Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Knock knock *I need to either stop masturbating or answer the door* He's probably masturbating. *Who's there?* The other guy left. The end.

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Once there was an egg by the name of Steve. His name was Steve the Egg.

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Ice cream rules kids are great how thinks of this? Michael Jackson

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Whats worse than the Holocaust? Jews

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It is not a sentient animal and is unaware of the dangers it will face.

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What did the bird say to the other bird? Nothing because birds can't talk.

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Why did the chicken cross the dairy farm? Sex.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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How do you stop a baby from crawling circles? You nail it's other hand to the floor too

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Q. What did the woman use for vaginal medication? A. Standard Strength Vagisil.

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A man walks into a bar. He drinks heavily and dies of alcohol poisoning.

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My friend is a famous actor. Fooled you! I have no friends.

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Whats black and white and red all over?? Half a zebra

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How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops