Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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What did the librarian say to the rude man who was talking very loudly? The librarian said "shhh keep it down."

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what do you get when you cross a jellyfish, a jar, and a brown crayon? i dont know, im not into genetics, and jars dont have genes.

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A man walks into a bar. He has a nice drink and leaves.

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Where did the cow go? To the slaughter house!!!

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What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Santa isn't real.

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Yo momma so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Chins in a phonebook? I don't get it.

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Whats the difference between right and left? I stabbed your mom with my left hand.

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Josh brown loves Jessica Potts from Dylan xoxo

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My mom always said that jumping in a pile of leaves was fun! That was before a 20 foot long iguana bit her head off...

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What can a pizza do that a Jew can't? Pizzas can't do anything, so the answers are infinite.

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A black guy, a Mexican, an Arab and a white guy walk into a room and embrace cultural diversity.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because, it realized that it was worth something in life, it had a meaning, a purpose, and a right to freedom, to go where it pleased. The chicken's first act of this freedom was to go across the street.

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I saw a dog pick up a dead bird with its mouth. Crazy cause the bird had ants and maggots all over it, it smelled bad. Well anyways the dog drops it, and he stares at it for a few seconds. Then another dog comes and tilts his head. I'm guessing he's confused and is like "why did you pick that gross thing up? " So they both leave the bird there, in the first dog's owner's backyard. (He was on the cemented porch, not the grass. Just so you can picture it better) Okay well the two dogs go to the park, hoping to get some action with other dogs. Yeah, they were out of luck. There was no one there cause it was Christmas Eve. Who goes to the park on Christmas Eve? Do you? I know I don't. So the two dogs walk out of the park, heads down because well they're sad. On their way out, they see a dog with a bird in its mouth. They keep going because the dog was ugly, heading to the neighborhood going to the first dog's owner's backyard. They take a sip of water from the stainless steel bowl, munch out on some dog food. The dog food was from a 50 pound bag of dog food, it had all the nutrients and vitamins and minerals dogs need to be healthy. Oh and the brand was Iams. Pedigree is for owners that obviously don't care for their dogs cause Pedigree sucks. The owner of the first dog bought the food at the nearest PETCO for around 30$ That's crazy. 30$ for dog food. That's a good owner spending good money on his dog. I would do the same. So when the dogs were done eating, the first dog looks for the dead bird. (The bird the first dog had picked up at the beginning of the story) Turns out the bird is missing. Where could it have gone? The two dogs look everywhere. Then after 20 minutes the second dog says "Hey! We're being clumsy. The third dog had a bird exactly like yours! " So they run to the park hoping they'll find the third dog. He wasn't in anyone's sight until suddenly a familiar voice coming from behind says "Looking for this, Bimbos? What fool would leave such a delicious bird like this in their owner's backyard? " The first dog says "Hey! Give me back my bird! " The third dog refuses. So they begin to fight. Then the second dog snatches the bird And runs away with the bird. The two fighting dogs are still fighting till they notice the horrible stench is gone. The second dog isn't anywhere in sight. That shit cray.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are taking a chemistry exam. They each get a solid B on the test.

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Q: Why did the bear fall out of the tree? A: Because humans tranquilized him, brought him to an animal shelter 100 miles away from his home. Then after he got out he got hit by a car and died. PETA is watching.....always

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what is the difference between lizzy and a momma hippo........ lizzy doesnt bathe.

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why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't he got ran over half way.

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Why couldn't the blond get into the library? Because the library was closed therefore the door was locked.

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RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY 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RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY ATHORITAH RESPECT MY 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Gullible is not in the dictionary Yes it is

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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