did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

Tell me who you are, who you are working for, I wont tell anybody, and I will have someone to hack this site on the hour and remove these comments, please.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To distract everyone from the Mexican.

Why was Osama Bin Laden so hard to find? His hiding place was difficult to come across.

What is big, round, hairy, black with a little bit of white and red stripes, large feet, small hands, squinty eyes and a purple beret? Nothing. How ridiculous.

So a man walks into a bar, And because he is dressed in such a way that was thought of as threatening to the general safety of the highly valued customers, he is shot eight times in the head.

What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari. A Ferrari isn't in my garage.

why was the postman sad? because ran over a small child with his truck

Why was the man foolish for buying a new lamp? Because he lived in a small shack with no electricity and was probably going to die soon.

Q: What do you say to a person in a wheelchair who fall downs the stairs? A: Nothing because most likely they would take an elevator.

What did the blind man say to his wife? -would you mind helping me upstairs, for I cannot see.

2 penguins in a tub. one looks to the other an says, "pass the bar of soap." the other looks at him.."what do you think i am, a typewriter?"

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

What do you call a chicken with three eyes? One that flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Why did the man walk into the grocery store? Because he had run out of peanut butter

An Irish man, an English man, and a Scottish man are standing on the edge of a cliff. The English man and the Scottish man both fall of. The Irish man calls the authorities to alert them of this tragic misfortune.

Doctor, I keep believing I am stuck in the Matrix! Oh thats common, you know existencial crisis and so on but we got medications, you want the blue or the red pill?

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

Your momma is so fat that she's developed a cardiovascular disease and has 5 weeks to live

All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

Roses are red violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in the zoo! But don't you worry I'll be there too! But not in the Ill be laughing at you

What happened to the boy who stalked the pretty girl? His father raped him and he died in a house fire induced by his overwhelmingly sick love for the taliban

A boy spelled the word "banana" wrong on a spelling test... Points were deducted.

what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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