I LOVE MASTURBAITING ALL DAY!!!!

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I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis. -Rivrawr

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

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Why did the Japanese man fall down the stairs? He was blind and deaf and not aware of his surroundings to prevent himself from doing so.

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Why did the boy have to ride the bus? Because both his parents died.

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Q: Why did the boy fall off his bicycle? A: Because someone threw a fridge at him.

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What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas? A new pair of shoes

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A bartender walks into a bar. I know what you're thinking. You think he works there but that is not correct. He works at a different bar. Anyways, he buys a few drinks and leaves. He was impressed with the service.

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how do you confuse a brunette? paint yourself red and throw a fridge at her

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whats not funny and has access to a computer and reasonable internet? Me

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Oh my God! A talking dog!

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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What Batman said to Robin before they got in the car? -Get in the car Robin!

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Why did the koala fall of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other koala fall off the tree? It was stapled to the first koala.

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A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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what has two legs, and is red? half a cat.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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What did God say to Abraham? Nothing, because God doesn't exist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops