“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

How do you describe a cranky rapist? Cranky and rapist

Roses are red, The grass is greener, Every time i'm with you, I touch my wiener.

Dylan F is stupid He goes to his cousins house Then falls into a pit Moves on

What is green and if it fell on you from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

what is the meaning of life? i dont know, but im fairly sure its not 42

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

Did the Jewish surgeon charge extra for circumcisions? Nope, he just kept the tips

your mom is so fat that she had to start going to a gym to exercise and get her weight under control.

News of the day - David gives back 2 pounds to someone. The police, as he stole from a old nana to pay for a toothbrush

A blonde was told to go to the into the nearby swimming pool and sniff the Scratch-and-Sniff sticker on the bottom. Once at the bottom, she quickly realized that it was not a good idea and swam back to the surface.

What did the homosexual community have last night? A protest for gay rights.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is an advisor who assists people by representing them on legal matters.

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse being a horse and doesnt understand english is confused and scared by its surroundings it gallops away knocking over a few tables.

Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

Why did billy have a frog stapled to his face? Because he was having a bad day.

Jimmy: Daddy how are babies made? Dad: If i knew how you wouldn't be here...

Why can't the black guy read? Because he's blind.

Why did the chick cross the road? Because she's a gold digger homie, dat chick is greedy like a mofo. She be all up in your grill and sheit tryin' getchu to spend your money lik dat homie ditch dat hoe, she aint even worth it brotha.

your mom is so fat, that your father is no longer attracted to her and it is tearing your family apart.

What is the worst party ever? Nazi.

"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

What did the korean say to the other korean. I don't know i dont speak korean.

why did the man cross the rode? He didn't he got hit by a bus

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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