This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping out. After they set up their tent and get inside to go to sleep, they look up at the stars. Holmes asks Watson to make a deduction. "Well, Holmes, I think it's highly probable that other planets outside our own, among those many stars up there, could have sentient life." Holmes points up and says, "Someone stole our tent, you idiot."

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza does not scream in the oven

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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why do you kill people in call of duty you don't you kill computer made figures

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Knock knock Who's there? *silence* WHO'S THERE? *silence* -Looks out window- Slenderman

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Yesterday i ate an owl with all the feathers on it

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Why was the black guy homeless? because he has been affected severely by the credit crunch, been made redundant and had his home repossessed

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Read a Book.

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there are two wales chilling at a bar one looks at the other and does a wale call for 2 minutes and the other looks back and say "dude your drunk we gotta go!"

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh wait I shouldn't tell you, it's too long

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Why did the baby die? Because you had sex with it when it was only 1 years old.

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what is your moms favorite website? Wait did I say mom. Oh I'm not very sorry.

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OMG, I have a really funny alzheimer's joke. Your'e gonna love it! Uhh, I umm kinda forgot what it was now.

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A dad says to his son "you better stop masturbating or youll go blind'. And the son says "dad im over here".

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A blind man walks into a bar No literally he does, he has a guide dog and everything, he's a capable member of society, don't be rude.

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Why are soccer players sad? They couldn't play Football.

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A duck walks into a bar and orders 2 beers and a shot. The bartender says "That'll be four fifty." The duck says he doesn't have any money and asks if the bartender can put it on his bill. The bartender says "No." He then picked the duck up by the neck and raped him mercilessly. "That's what he gets" one patron said. "Yeah, he was asking for it"

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a blind man walks into a wall

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A man got struck by a car and was rushed to hospital on life support, he died shortly after. His wife was informed of his death by the doctors and shortly after she killed her children and finally hung herself.

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Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

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Q: A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!" Why? A: The man walked into a METAL bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


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Anti-Joke Chicken

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