A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks " What'll You Have" The duck doesn't respond because it's a duck.

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Texter 1: Hey, do you want to hang out? Texter 2: Sorry dude, i lost my phone, i'm trying to find it Texter 1: Ok, text me when you find it Texter 2: OK

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Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

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Stephen hawking walks into a bar.

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Confucius says, I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

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Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

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why barack obama sad he realized the 4 trillion dollars of debt wasn't going be solved by borrowing more money

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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what's better than being stabbed in the testicles with a biro? the Silversun Pickup's album Neck of the Woods

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

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What do you get when you cross a gay man with a chainsaw? A decapitated homosexual.

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What can bankrupt people buy? Free stuff.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

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If you were on an island with one wish what would you wish for? To get off the island

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a guy walks in to a bar in iraq. 10 people died because of it

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Why the african children was sad? - Because an octopus bite his arm

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i asked my friend about the holocaust... umm it turns out hes a jew yaaa sorry then i screamed califona fire asin tits then ran

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

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What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

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Why is sally sad her parents abuse her daily

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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