CAN YOU FIND YOUR D I C K YET BOMBER

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. The world is bleak and hopeless and life just isn't worth living. The doctor thinks for a second then smiles. "Treatment is simple he says, the great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears, sobs hysterically like a child, "But doctor," he says. "I am Pagliacci."

thumb_up thumb_down -41

What is worse than torturing, "forcibly penetrate" and then slowly and painfully kill nine billion people? The Holocaust?

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Yo mama so fat! She should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem that can lead to a heart attack. Also STOP EATING MCDONALDS.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why was the chocolate black? It's not black you idiot, its white

thumb_up thumb_down -45

What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pig, because even if a pig could learn karate its still a pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? A comment saying "I don't think that's an anti-joke"

thumb_up thumb_down -47

If your dying how would you avoid getting eaten alive by sharks or rip to shreds by a T-Rex? Fall on a sword

thumb_up thumb_down -47

The speakers on my computer were broken, so I was going to replace them with John Boehner. Because he is the SPEAKER of the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

what did the jew say to the other jew in WWII?..... "We're both going to die."

thumb_up thumb_down -47

A dog walks up to a puddle of pee and he starts to smell it

thumb_up thumb_down -47

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down -49

A blind man walks into a bar... He tragicly attracts aids and dies as the bar is shut down for health purposes

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Harry thrust his wand forward, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort casually ducks, and fires a killing curse at our hero.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

what do you call a black guy with a nice car? most probably a rapper or professional athlete, however there is also a great chance that he is a doctor of philosophy and well educated.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

What's green, has 4 legs and can kill you if lands on your head? a pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

why was the fork in the wall? Why would a fork be in a wall?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What is a waste of time and money? Your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

what did the duck with roller skates say to the camel? how are the wife and kids?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why wasn't the tractor moving? Because the farmer was killed in a drive-by shooting.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A fireman walks into a bar. Everyone has burned alive already, and he's too late to save them.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why was sally crying? She could hear her parents having sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops