How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

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Why did the chicken cro- Oh. He got run over.

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If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

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One day a kid said to his mom: "Mom, I painted the bed sheets with your lipstick". So his mom got mad.

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What's blue? The sky.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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Two dinosaurs go to a theme park. On the way home they contemplate that they didn't really enjoy themselves. They decide to buy some ice cream to cheer them up a bit. They are severely frustrated by the lack of fun they had for the money they paid. Then they go to sleep. I completely forgot how this joke went, but your mom's a slut.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

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caoimhin is a dorty carrot

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A man walked into a bar making it immediately apparent that he had no future in competitive limbo.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's There" "It's Dallas" "Dallas Who" James and Dallas's relashonship quickly deteriorated as Dallas realized he and James been best friends for 2 years and James doesn't even know his name.

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how do you get a clown off a swing. hit it with an apple in his nuts

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Can you spot the polar bear Probably not because global warming killed it

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? The grass tickles their balls.

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Mike: Hey Dave knock knock Dave: Come in!

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Why did the woman cross the road? Better yet, why is she out of the kitchen

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Whats the difference between males and females? fe

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A couple elopes in Vegas. The next morning while eating breakfast the woman tells her husband she thinks it was a mistake, using her alcoholism as an excuse for her inability to make practical decisions. The man proceeded to cry and called his attorney to arrangea proper divorce.

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Look down at your keyboard. Notice that U and I are together? <3 Also notice that J and K are together too!:P

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What do you call a fish with no I Defected at birth

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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