Knock Knock. Who's There? I don't know. I'm paralyzed.

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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't Jelly your dick into your girlfriend's ass.

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What do you call a black man who is flying a plane? A pilot.

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roses are red violets are blue i'm chinese and i don't know a joke pickle.

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What's red and bad for youur teeth? A brick.

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How do you starve a black man? You slowly emasculate him over 400 years through a system designed solely for the benefit of whites, and subsequently he is malnourished.

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What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

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Q: How do you do to get an elephant down from a tree? A: Wait for the fall when the leaves start falling you shoot it down.

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What happens when the hydro goes out for 1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 month? 1 year? -1.8 people die. 105 people die. 6,306 people die. 151,338 people die. 4,603,198 people die. 55,238,376 people die. Aw shit, then you have to take account for how many people die of starvation :\, and the ones who froze to death, and the ones who died from heat stroke, And the ones who died of Alzheimers.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had escaped from his farm and didn't understand the laws of jaywalking.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Q: What do you get when you have water, sodium C14-16 olefin sulfonate, glycerin, disodium lauroamphodiacetate, polysorbate 20, cocamidopropyl, betaine, PEG-6 Phenoxyethanol, PPG-15 Stearyl, Ether, Citric Acid, isocateth-20, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Tetrasodium EDTA, Xanthan Gum, Propylparben, Ethylparagen, and Camelia Sinensis Leaf Extract? A: All New Clean & Clear Oil Free Make-up Dissolving Foaming Cleanser.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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What did the first Ethiopian say to the other? He asked for some food only to realize that the other one had already starved to death.

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What's black and blue and is scared to death? the kid in my trunk

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quiz is to quizzicle as test is to test___.

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How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen? Probably around seven.

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Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A cannibal. What? You are about to die and be eaten. Asshole! i will murder you first!

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it

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Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

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An alcoholic walks into a bar, but then realises he's ruining his family so he calls the rehab

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Why did the boy kill his parents? Because he doesn't understand this joke either

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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