Two guys fight over a girl. The girl gets up from under them.

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Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

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Me: What's the difference between a zebra and a slice of cheese? You: I don't know Me: Me neither

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What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

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Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

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Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

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Why did the little boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a washing machine at him.

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What did the squirrel say to Justin Bieber? We both enjoy nuts.

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Why didn't Johnny have any food left? Because he ate it all.

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how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

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What is wet, white and sticky? Glue, of course.

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A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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Why did the kid fall off his bike? His mum threw a fridge at him.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ( The chicken says) I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having morals questioned.

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A jumpercable walks in the bar the bartender says ill get you something but dont start anything.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar asks "Why the long face?". The horse replies " I am deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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Remember that comic blooper? Captain America fighting some dude: Okay buster only one of us is getting out of here alive! Next panel: Captain is kicking his foe and yelling AND IT WONT BE MEEEEEEEE! ...

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A man walks outside and sits down to eat his sandwich.

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Q: Why was six afraid of seven? A: seven raped six's mom

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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